Struggling With A Defiant And Rebellious 6 Year Old

My husband and I are struggling with our 6-year-old daughter.  She is rebellious and defiant at times.  How can we teach her to be obedient and in turn be obedient to the Lord Jesus?

You don’t say whether this behavior has developed or become more intense recently, but if so, what you are experiencing is quite normal.  We can expect that most 5-and 6-year- olds will test boundaries…and test their parents.  It is a part of their development and a necessary step for them in figuring things out.  One of the things she needs to know is that there are boundaries, that you set them, and that you are sticking to them.  Even though she may act like she doesn’t like limits, those limits actually will help her feel safe.  You and your husband should decide which rules are really important in your family.  In other words, pick your battles.  Don’t try to fight every fight at once, but pick a few rules and determine ahead of time what her consequences will be if she breaks those rules. Make sure she understands the rules and the consequences for breaking them.  It is important to meet her defiance with definite and consistent consequences rather than emotional outbursts.  Stick with it!  You are so right that God’s plan is for our children to learn obedience to their parents and in turn become obedient to the Lord.  God loved us enough to articulate the rules He wants us to follow, and He loves us enough to discipline us when we defy Him.  This should encourage you to be consistent.

I’d also urge you to “catch her being good”.  Be sure that you give her affirmation when she is cooperative.  Give positive attention for desired behavior.  And always, always, reassure her that you love her, no matter what she does.