Fear, Blame And Divorce – Providing Stability In Your Child’s Life

I am currently going through a divorce and my daughter (whose dad lives in another country and whom she hasn’t seen in five years) is blaming me for now losing her stepfather (who was never loving to her).  The fear of not having a dad has hurt her deeply.  I need to be able to help her get through this difficult time.  Any words of wisdom?

I’m so sorry!  Your daughter has suffered a lot of pain and loss—but so have you.  You are a compassionate mom to be so concerned for her when you are experiencing your own pain.  However, that is what I’m going to ask you to do.  Try to focus on your daughter.  She is a child, and she is an innocent victim in this turmoil.  She needs a lot from you.  She needs your attention.  She needs to know you will always be there for her.  She needs structure in her life.  Be as involved as you can in her life.  Do fun things with her. Don’t burden her with conversations about what went wrong in your marriage.  Do not let your concern for her or your own sense of guilt cause you to be too lenient with her.  You are the only stability she has.  I know this is hard, but try not to take her anger so personally, even if she is expressing it against you.  What she is probably feeling is a sense of powerlessness at the losses and uncertainties in her life.  You are the logical target, only because you have the most power in her life.  But I am certain that she loves and needs you so much.  Even as I write this, I am praying for you and asking God to give both you and your daughter peace, hope, and a sure knowledge of His presence with you.