Do Not Run Away From Me!

When you call your two year old and they run as if you are playing, what can you do short of “Get here now or a swat”?

This is a little more complex than you might think!  Two-year-olds are performing the developmental tasks of separation and individuation.  In simple terms, that means that your child is figuring out where you end and he begins.  When you keep that in mind, it makes sense that it would be exciting for him to run away when you want him to come.  It’s a new and nifty trick he knows!  You can be in one place and he can be in another but he is still rewarded by hearing the sound of your voice and knowing you are there and want him.

However, knowing the “why” of it still doesn’t solve your problem, does it?  Here are a couple of suggestions.  First, when it is feasible, include him in the preparations for a transition.  For example, “We are going to leave in the car soon.  Let’s get our things ready to go.”  This may work better than suddenly calling him when it is time to leave. When you understand that just being two means your child is likely to not come when you call, try to limit the times you call him.  He will get past this stage and things will get easier.   In addition, remember that teaching happens best in a time on non-conflict, so at a time when you don’t need him to come, tell him how important it is that when you call his name, he needs to come to you.  Let him know you expect him to come the first time you call.  Then—expect him to come the first time you call.  If he doesn’t come, there needs to be a consistent consequence, hopefully one that doesn’t involve your screaming.

The two’s are actually more terrific than terrible, but it is definitely an intense time.  It won’t last forever!