She is a Pouter!

Our daughter is seven and she is a pouter!  If I tell her to pick up her toys, she pouts.  If I tell her it is time for bed, she pouts.  Anything that is my idea and not hers leads to pouting.  When I say pouting, I am talking about a major production.   Sad face, folded arms, stomping feet, major grouchiness that lasts a long time.  I dislike it so much that I become the grouchy parent and it escalates into real unpleasantness.  Help!

What you have to do with your pouting daughter is hard.  You have to ignore her.  The pouting is a manipulative move.  Although she may not consciously think these thoughts, what is going on inside her is something like, “If I show Mommy how sad I am, it will make her feel bad and then I won’t have to ….(fill in the blank)”.  You aren’t doing her any favors when you let her manipulation get to you.  Just don’t respond to the pouting in any way.  Pretend you don’t even notice it.  A seven-year-old is certainly old enough to use words.  Encourage  her to do that by discussing her issues with you if she can do so respectfully.  Those types of discussions are also helping her develop valuable lifelong skills in conflict resolution.   If the opportunity arises, reward respectful questions or comments by engaging her in conversation.  But remember—never reward pouting.  Simply ignore it.