Shyness

Miss Pat, my daughter is 8 years old and she is extremely shy. She talks freely at home, but has a hard time even saying hello to people at church or school. We are worried about her and we are sad that other people can’t see what a delightful person she is.

Being shy is not bad or wrong—but it can be painful! Your daughter is probably timid by nature. She’s likely always been that way and will always have the tendency to shyness. Though you can’t change her, you can help her understand her shyness and develop strategies to overcome it.

It sounds as if being timid may be preventing your daughter from making friends and participating in activities. Shy people are very afraid of taking risks. Even something as simple as saying “hello” opens up the risk of rejection. She needs your help! Have an honest discussion with her. Let her know that you think she’s terrific and you don’t want her to miss out on anything. Offer to be her partner in helping her let go of a little shyness.

First, choose just one or two simple behaviors your daughter would like to improve. It may be as basic as saying “Good morning” to her teacher. Set that goal, and then practice. You can role play being the teacher. Then switch; let her pretend to be the teacher and you pretend to be the shy student. This will allow you to model for her a simple greeting, accompanied by eye contact. Practicing in front of a mirror may also be helpful to her.

Once she is able to achieve this goal, set another one. Maybe she can try complimenting a classmate or asking a question in class. She will feel nervous, but practice helps. Don’t give up!