Our four-year-old is using language we do not like—“dirty” or “potty” words that he hears from his friends at preschool.  The more we tell him not to do it, the more he does it.  Help!

When your little boy hears his friends at school using these words, he probably sees that they get a big reaction from others.  For some reason, children think dirty words are hilarious.  That big reaction is what your son is going for.  Make sure you don’t reward him.  It will be better to under-react than over-react.  When he uses an inappropriate word, calmly and quietly say, “We do not use that word in our family.”  It is appropriate to give a consequence for his repeated use of words you’ve asked him not to use.  The best consequence is “time out” to show him that he can be with the family only when he uses the type of language the family chooses.  But remember—be consistent and be calm.  Never give him the satisfaction of seeing you overreact to his language.  This won’t last forever!

How do I constructively criticize my teenager, regarding her hygiene and appearance?  I want her to take pride in her appearance, but I don’t want to be negative in approaching her about it.  I know she takes it that way.  I simply want to encourage her to be her best; she is beautiful inside and out.

Teenagers!  Gotta love ‘em! The teen years are fun and exciting and challenging for teenagers and for their parents. Most teenagers feel awkward and unsure about their physical appearance.  Sometimes this causes them to make inappropriate or just plain foolish choices about their clothing and hygiene. A part of your job now is to get your daughter to the place where she is able to take personal responsibility for her cleanliness, clothing, and health. And you’ll need to get her there without appearing to tell her what to do.  That’s a real challenge!

The most important thing to do is to keep the lines of communication open.  You can do this by helping her know she has choices.  Discuss different options with her, but make it clear that the final choices are hers.  For example, talk about the pros and cons of different hygiene products.  “Which shampoo do you think you’d like more—the one that smells like watermelon or the one that smells like blueberries?”  Let her have the final say in what to buy.  Spend a day shopping with her, trying on all kinds of clothes.  Listen and watch to see what she likes.  Learn about what is cool in fashion.  Enjoy your daughter!  And pick your battles.  You don’t have to like the same things.  You can gently steer her toward the outfits that are modest but still cool by really affirming how great she looks.  Again, though, she needs to feel that she is making choices for herself.  This is an important developmental task on the road to independence.

Remember that protecting your relationship and your developing friendship with your daughter is of much greater lasting importance than whether or not her clothes are cute.  Trust me, there will come a day when your daughter/friend will say the words you’re longing to hear, “Mom, what do you think about this outfit?”

When you call your two year old and they run as if you are playing, what can you do short of “Get here now or a swat”?

This is a little more complex than you might think!  Two-year-olds are performing the developmental tasks of separation and individuation.  In simple terms, that means that your child is figuring out where you end and he begins.  When you keep that in mind, it makes sense that it would be exciting for him to run away when you want him to come.  It’s a new and nifty trick he knows!  You can be in one place and he can be in another but he is still rewarded by hearing the sound of your voice and knowing you are there and want him.

However, knowing the “why” of it still doesn’t solve your problem, does it?  Here are a couple of suggestions.  First, when it is feasible, include him in the preparations for a transition.  For example, “We are going to leave in the car soon.  Let’s get our things ready to go.”  This may work better than suddenly calling him when it is time to leave. When you understand that just being two means your child is likely to not come when you call, try to limit the times you call him.  He will get past this stage and things will get easier.   In addition, remember that teaching happens best in a time on non-conflict, so at a time when you don’t need him to come, tell him how important it is that when you call his name, he needs to come to you.  Let him know you expect him to come the first time you call.  Then—expect him to come the first time you call.  If he doesn’t come, there needs to be a consistent consequence, hopefully one that doesn’t involve your screaming.

The two’s are actually more terrific than terrible, but it is definitely an intense time.  It won’t last forever!

Our son (age 7) is at a place in his development (both intellectually and spiritually) where he has become very inquisitive about God and His Word. He is in AWANA and has begun memorizing Scriptures. He is asking all kinds of theological questions and seems to be thirsty for a better understanding of God. His mother and I guide him through the Bible to help find the answers he is looking for.

He is anxious to begin reading God’s word on his own…and we want encourage that by getting him his own Bible. The problem is, every “kids Bible” we find, is not a Bible at all (even though the title may say Bible on it), but just a book with a few selected Bible stories in it. He’s ready to move beyond just the stories. We want him to be able to see the context of the verses he’s memorizing, so that when he quotes his memory verses, like 1 John 4:14 - And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world - he is able to see the entirety of this passage, which testifies of God’s love for us.

So my question is, do you have any recommendations for kids Bibles that are not just age appropriate, but stage appropriate?

Hooray  for your son, the boy with a fine mind and a heart for God’s Word.  And hooray for you and your wife, great parents who love and disciple their children.  I like The Adventure Bible.  It is the actual text of the Bible and is available in different versions. I’d go with the NIV, which is the version you quoted in your example.  In addition, it is colorful and has some sidebar notes, some character studies, life applications, etc.  These are kid-friendly study helps which can open up added conversation between a child and parents. There is also an “Early Reader’s Version”.  Your son sounds like he would be just fine with the real deal. The Boy’s Bible has a similar concept and looks cool. Either one seems like it would work for your family.

In public, our sweet first grade daughter becomes “THAT” child, the one that everyone stares at.  She yells—loud—she runs, she jumps, she cries, she whines.  You can’t miss her!  And then we are “THOSE” parents, the ones everyone looks at, wondering why we don’t do something.  Help!  We don’t know what to do.

The fact that your daughter’s behavior is different in public than it is at home probably gives us some clues.  There are a couple of different possibilities that come to mind.

It could be that when she is in places where there is a lot going on, there is too much sensory stimulation for her to process.  Children have different levels of sensitivity to sensory stimuli.  Some of that is developmental, but some children have inherent difficulty in processing or integrating sensory messages.  If your child is attending school, her teacher may have some helpful input on this topic.  You may want to take some steps to manage the sensory messages your daughter is receiving (for example, avoiding especially loud and busy places) and see if that helps.  You may even want to talk to your pediatrician about it.

A second possibility is that her public behavior is just a bid to get and hold onto your attention. I don’t mean that she is doing this with any evil intent!  It is a natural desire, and some children tend to need more attention than others.  Be certain that you are giving her individual attention at appropriate times.  However, every child thinks they are the center of the universe, and it is part of our job as parents to teach them they are not.  In a time of non-confrontation, talk to your daughter about showing respect for other people by behaving appropriately in public.  Set the standard, including consequences for not meeting the standard.  Then stick to it!  When (if) her behavior becomes inappropriate, remove her from the setting and enforce the consequence.  There may be some embarrassment and inconvenience, but it is important for you to be consistent and follow through.  It is a hard truth, but the task of teaching our children may sometimes cause some humiliation.  I hope those times are very few for you!

I am currently going through a divorce and my daughter (whose dad lives in another country and whom she hasn’t seen in five years) is blaming me for now losing her stepfather (who was never loving to her).  The fear of not having a dad has hurt her deeply.  I need to be able to help her get through this difficult time.  Any words of wisdom?

I’m so sorry!  Your daughter has suffered a lot of pain and loss—but so have you.  You are a compassionate mom to be so concerned for her when you are experiencing your own pain.  However, that is what I’m going to ask you to do.  Try to focus on your daughter.  She is a child, and she is an innocent victim in this turmoil.  She needs a lot from you.  She needs your attention.  She needs to know you will always be there for her.  She needs structure in her life.  Be as involved as you can in her life.  Do fun things with her. Don’t burden her with conversations about what went wrong in your marriage.  Do not let your concern for her or your own sense of guilt cause you to be too lenient with her.  You are the only stability she has.  I know this is hard, but try not to take her anger so personally, even if she is expressing it against you.  What she is probably feeling is a sense of powerlessness at the losses and uncertainties in her life.  You are the logical target, only because you have the most power in her life.  But I am certain that she loves and needs you so much.  Even as I write this, I am praying for you and asking God to give both you and your daughter peace, hope, and a sure knowledge of His presence with you.

What is the proper way to train our child to come to us?

You don’t say how old your child is, but I am assuming this is a very young child.  However, even toddlers can learn to follow simple commands.  “Training” is exactly the right term for what needs to happen here.  When you call your child, be sure he understands you want him to come to you.  If the child is too young to understand this, first show him what you want. Go to him, move a short distance away, call his name, and guide him to you.  Repeat this, moving farther and farther away each time, until he understands and comes to you on his own.  Every time he responds to your call, give him positive affirmation.  You can make a game of this to train him, but be sure he understands you only call once.  When you feel sure that he understands what you want, continue to give positive affirmation when he comes, but also discipline him when he doesn’t.  Set the standard.  If you want him to come the first time you call, don’t keep calling him over and over until you become frustrated with him.  If that happens, he has trained you to keep on calling.  Call him once.  If he doesn’t come, go to him and tell him you are disappointed that he didn’t come and that there will be a consequence.  Choose a consequence that is appropriate (short time out or loss of the toy he’s playing with, for example), but be consistent.  Don’t give up!  You can do this!

My son is six years old, and his friends all like Scooby-Doo and Pokémon.  He watches these shows at their houses and Pokémon was even shown at summer school.  Some of the content is spooky.  It disturbs me!  Is it okay if I let him watch this stuff?  How hard do I put my foot down?  How do I address this with other parents and the school?  He wants to watch Scooby Doo and Pokémon and asks for these shows at home.  Help!

I’d like to help, but unfortunately there are no absolute answers to this question.  The Bible doesn’t have a single word to say about Scooby Doo or Pokémon!  You are such a diligent parent.  More than that, you are the parent that God chose for your son.  God will give you the wisdom you need to make these decisions.  Let me give you a few thoughts.  It is the job of a parent to protect a child from frightening images, especially in the young years.  However, there comes a time when children will be exposed to images or ideas that you may not like.  Then it is the job of a parent to help the child process those images or ideas.  “Scooby Doo” is not necessarily evil.  It can be very funny, but your point that some elements are spooky is well-taken.  When your child sees an episode at school or at another home, it would be great to discuss it with him later, just as a discussion, not as a condemnation. You might even want to watch some episodes together.  If there are things that seem wrong to you, help him see why those things might not make God happy.  Your little guy will learn to make judgments on his own, which is what needs to happen.

You will not be totally able to protect him from being exposed to these things without really embarrassing him or alienating other people.  There may come a time when you need to take a stand, even if it does embarrass him and alienate other people.  You can see why it is important to ask God to give you direction so you will be sure of yourself when those times come.  Web sites such as pluggedinonline.com help parents discern what is and is not appropriate for children to see.